Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
zippers are such a cool invention
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
