69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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