I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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