I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
