he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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