found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
