And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
my god I love twenty year old dicks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
