Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
