the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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