hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize