shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
