she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
