HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am midnight drunk by noon
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
try to milk me bitch
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
