"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
