remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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