i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize