the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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