The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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