Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
no you cant smoke seaweed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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