That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
