instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
