the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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