I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
