theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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