I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
