Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
