i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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