Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
