you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
