He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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