It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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