Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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