I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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