u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hippo gnu deer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize