I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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