Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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