i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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