I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
