I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
