4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
