dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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