lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
