So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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