who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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