I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am one with the molecules
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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