i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
