Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
