At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
