I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
