First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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