I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
