ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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