I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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