can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
