its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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