I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How does one acquire holy water?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
