There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
