If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
