I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
