i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
