# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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