Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
