I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
