Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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