I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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