:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
