she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
