I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
