I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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