Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
