how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my being single is dangerous.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
