I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
