I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
