She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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