I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
