Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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