Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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