Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
