Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
