Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
