idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
