At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
