Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
