The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
